Monday, April 2, 2007

Adventures of a lagos commuter 1

I promised to share my commuting experiences, in this POST about commuting in Lagos.

I've had many so I'll share the most memorable.

Memorable Molue experience
On my way to GCE centre,which was very far from my house, the car broke down.
We(myself&the driver)had no option but to take public transport. I had only my lunch money with me,the driver had little money on him,so we opted for the cheapest means of transport the Molue.

The molues donot wait for passengers,you have to run and jump in,after two failed attempts at chasing after a molue and not getting in, I started sobbing like a baby, I was going to be late for my exam and I couldn't even get on the damn bus that old women were jumping in,without any fuss. Uncle John(my dad's driver) consoled me and taught me how to "jump in".
He said once I got rid of the fear of falling and reached for his hand or the conductor,I will get in.
Successfully,at the 3rd attempt I did.
In the bus,I remember a middle age man selling drugs and coughing very hard, he displayed drugs of different colors for all kinds of ailments. I remember wondering why he couldn't get a color for his cough.
I got to my centre late,but was allowed in to write the exam.
On our way back, we took another Molue,it was around 7pm and there was a heavy traffic jam.
Sitting behind me were 2 calabar women,chattering away in their native dialect.
Eventually the traffic stood still,even I, who was sitted by window couldnot feel the breeze but to make matters worse in the bus someone farted.
The kind of fart,that quietly hovers around in pungent pride.
Suddenly silence fell upon the bus,one of the calabar woman behind me annouced "wetin the smrell"( in heavy calabar accent), "ehen" someone answers from the front of the bus,"I don dey smell am since", the calabar woman responds "dey pessin for excuse,comot, go mess, den come back,aah,aah!". Passengers started hissing,swearing and fanning themselves.
In mist of all the chaos,the traffic started moving but unfortunately the bus would not start.
Everyone directed their anger towards the driver,"Foolish man!" the calabar woman started,"maybe na him mess sef!" "Oloshi" transl: foolish man, "when you know sey your moto no good why you con off am?" "Wicked man"
"Wey in conductor sef?", the 2 conductors had gotten off the bus and joined the crowd of people trekking. It was until I got home and was recounting the story,that I started laughing.

Will share my memorable danfodrama and Okada ride soon.


wienna said... U're so funny, girl. Just finished reading your whole blog from d beginning and i'm moved and impressed. But can i ask a question? Which job u dey do and why u no get your jalopy car yet? ;)

omohemi Benson said...

You read my whole blog? I AM moved and impressed!
As a danfo driver, my bus serves as my jalopy,when I quit danfo work,I go gather my money go buy ketekete.

Jola Naibi said...

Oh my goodness...this is toooo funny...I have some interesting molue stories too...but I have to get back to work now...thanks for sharing

boorish male said...

This is the funniest thing I have read in a while......

omohemi Benson said...

Can't wait to read your stories.

Really? Thanks.

Mc_pepe_soup said...

Nice blog.
Nice post.

My public transport experience.

Conductor: everybody bring your money.

Mr Togolese looking guy:je vous ils étreinte gentille en chute de rire d'arrêt faible.

Conductor: You say wetin?

Mr Togolese looking guy: veuillez en bas de la mise à mort de course après volonté puis plus de

Conductor: I say bring your money!!!

Mr Togolese looking guy: cependant construite et est venue l'eau

Conductor: Na me you dey speak vou ze vou for? you never start oh!

*Bus approaches bus stop*
*conductor grabs the guy by the shirt*

Conductor:Oya pay your money.

Mr Togolese looking guy:Bros relax first naaah. Which levels you dey? we donn reach? Na him i dey ask u. Relax nah. how much? how much sef?

omohemi Benson said...

@Mc Peppersoup,
LOL, thanks for stopping by.

Mr.Fineboy said...

LMAO! Funny post!
lol@mc..."which levels?" LMAO!!!

dolly said...


mimi said...
very funny, is that mister or miss, id say miss

Mrs Somebody said...

How do you know she was a calabar woman?

Oya Explain yourself before I call Calabargal for you.

omohemi Benson said...

@Mr. Fineboy,
Thanks ma,
No mind pepper,lol.

Girl, you sound like aje butter,
you don enter danfo b4 so?

Thanks luv and yes it is Miss.

@Mrs. Somebody,
I may not speak or understand the language but I know it when I hear it. Abi calabar girl I lie?
Have you updated?

Daddy's Girl said...

Hilarious! Can't wait for the other tales.

Naijalove said...

haha I've always wanted to ride molue!

Tayo said...

LOL, that was some funny experience. Molue for GCE? Haaa!!! Na almost certain lateness be that o! Thank God you were allowed to write it.