Monday, April 23, 2007

Adventures of a Lagos commuter 2

On my way home from work one evening, I boarded a danfo bus,we were just 5 minutes into the journey when the youngman sitting beside me yelled "iso re, oti ba furo mi je!" (transl: a nail, a nail is up in my bottom)
I couldn't help it,I burst into laughter. He turns to me and says "Aunty mi o sere o!e fi owo si ori seat naa ke wo iso naa"(Transl: Aunty am not joking, please feel the seat for the nail), I try to stiffle my laughter and feel the nail, spreading my palm over the seat,I feel the 2" nail on the seat. I confirm to other laughing commuters"Iso wa nibe ni toto"(Transl: there is really a nail there).

" E pele" (transl: sorry),I greet the young man, who carefully sits back on the seat. He is in pain and declares to the conductor,"I am not paying anything!" The foolish conductor,complicates the issue and answers " aah,aah oga, ko si iso be lati aro"(Transl: there was no nail on that seat since morning!") everyone burst into laughter again,the youngman became furious "Kilo mean?" (transl: what do you mean?) "se idi mi ni iso ti jade ni?"(did the nail come out of my bottom?).

Everyone at the bus, started scolding and insulting the conductor,the conductor later apologised to the young man,"e ma binu sugbon ema lati san owo"(transl: please donot be angry,but you'll have to pay). "lai lai" (never) "se nitoripe idi mi oti bere si se eje" (is it because my buttom hasn't started bleeding") at this point, the driver had to intervene, he asked the young man not to pay.

The conductor started grumbling,but didnot utter a word to the man.

"olosi,fe gba owo,50 naira ko ran idi ka nipe iso ti ba furo mi je" he hissed ( foolish man, wants to collect money, what if the nail had ruined my bottom will 50 naira repair it! (50 was the bus fare). Eventually, the bus became quiet and we continued our journey peacefully.


Jaycee said...


ha ha ha...eyahhhhh! Oh no...I can't imagine the pain. Lagos commuters...kai! Omohemi, and u were laughing...lolll...

Ugo Daniels said...

wat kinda bus was dat. i bet its one of those dreary molue's...LOL!

Waffarian said...

This reminds me of when I took a taxi in warri, got in the front sit, and as the driver pulled into the road he says:"sista abeg, you must to hold the door oh, the thing don break", what could i do? we were alraedy on the high way, I had to hold the door if not, na me and door for fly comot!

Dimples said...

LOL..that was really funny...i actually visualise the whole scenario...saddo like me.

omohemi Benson said...

If you were there too my sister, you go laugh.

Na danfo o! my broda.

@Waffarian, orisirisi dey happen for naija.

dearie, why you call yourself saddo? lol
Please send me your blog addy o, each time i click on your name your blog does not show, just your profile.

mc_pepe_soup said...

I know I shldnt clog up ur blog but in my Lag NYSC yrs I did my fair share of bussing around and I Just cant resist yarning my public trans experience (Not funny just cool coincidence)

Guy1: Abeg shift! shift well well
Guy2: shift go where? space no dey again.

Guy1: But see space there.(Pointing to a lil bit of room left on the seat)

Guy2: I say space no dey again.

Guy1: Idiot!, with ur over-sized nyash like 3rd mainland bridge.

Guy2: U dey crase.

Guy1: Na Ur mama dey crase.

(FAT woman unconnected to the conversation delivers a 2-cement bag slap on Guy1 -KPAWAI!!-)

(And then she starts landing more slaps left and right and left in that sequence)

FAT Woman: U go know who dey crase 2day, idiot!

(Guy2 was in transit with his Tyson-mum)

adumaadan - Blacktinkerbell said...

i could write a book about bus adventures...too funny.

Vickii said...

Lolll only in Lagos can something as 'ordinary' as a commute provide laughs for the rest of the day .. this is really funny because I can just see it playing out. Thanks for the translation as well!

Uzo said...

LOL....No way...He He He

Anonymous said...

"iso re, oti ba furo mi je!", lol. u got me laughing all by myself.
All of these kind of drama only in our dear naija oh. funy post!!!

Simply Gorgeous said...

Ha-ha....only in naija can you get stories like that..

dolly said...

Funny post

iso re, oti ba furo mi je!"

Daddy's Girl said...

LOLLL at "se nitoripe idi mi oti bere si se eje".


LOLL.. I love the way you told the story. Omohemi, you have away with words.

omohemi Benson said...

@Mc peppersoup,
LOL,na wah for u, this is absolutely funny!
do you have a blog?lemme in if you do.

true o! sis.
so are you writing the book?

lol,only Lagos o!
You are welcome though translation wasn't easy.Translating yoruba to english makes yoruba lose the flava.

lol, na true o!

Thank you.

True o!

Thank you.

@Daddy's girl,
Thank you.

Mrs Somebody said...

eiyaaaa.......poor guy.Living in lagos ain't easy.These days of 'one chance'.Thank God that the nail did not pierce his butt.

Omohemi I think you are so down to earth and funny as well.

Olawunmi said...

lol. only in lagos o. this was beyond hilarious.

olufunke said...

this is so funny! i love your yoruba to english translations--it made the story even funnier.

Vera Ezimora said...

lol. That's dangerous o! That nail coulda punctured two people's bums. And what if one was infected with Aids? Hmmmmm.

Wait o, the bus fair is N50??? Dang!!!

Naija Vixen said...

chai!!!thats a funny post oh!and see you writing proper yoruba sef!!!

exschoolnerd said... the last so funny...i see stuff like dis on d daily..

9ja Opeke said...

I especially loved reading this story because it reminded me abt the times when I use to commute to work via danfo...and taking CMS.
It is so funny...I am sure if it was me...I would have kept quiet so the conductor does not beat me.

Anonymous said...

this is so funny..9ja danfo and their palaver...i cant believe u even tried to feel d i no go try am..i remeber a bus to yaba and one woman almost slapped me..she told me to move and there wuz no space so i was rude to her..the woman wan land me slap for my fine face o

Anthony Arojojoye said...

One grave mistake - I read ur post while on empty stomach. A great pain erupted from my lower belly after laughing my heart out.
Now you have to pay me,. What if your blog had made me have stomach ulcer?

Nice one.

Mr.Fineboy said...

HAHA!! Oh my! What a good laugh! The convo between the conductor and the dude was hilarious...nice!

laspapi said...

omohemi, the drama of this city is played out in its buses.

ExcitedJade said...

iso ti ba furo mi je..very funny, i cant stop laffing.


Justme said...

I laughed till tears rolled down my cheeks!

The Last King Of Scotland said...

haha, lagos na wa!

The Pseudo-Independent said...

am off...dont want to die of hilarity. :o)

Tayo said...

LOL!!! "olosi,fe gba owo,50 naira ko ran idi ka nipe iso ti ba furo mi je"
I can't imagine being in that bus. I would have laughed my head off!!!

Tayo said...

BTW, thanks for stopping by my blog