Friday, June 22, 2007

Police palava

I cannot emphasise this enough, I hate the Nigerian police passionately!

They are inefficient, incompetent, illiterate,impatient, lack manners and most of all just bone stupid!

My Experiences

Last year,
A friend and I, were in a cab coming from Ikeja and heading towards the Island,on Opebi link road, Oga police stopped us. The usual stuff, "what is in your boot?" Where is your driver's license" and other orisirisi, I didnot say a word,until the police brings his nose to the window and asks "Where are you coming from?" Please people what sort of question is that? and how am I supoose to answer? I could be coming from any where for goodness sake, so why this dumb question? I look at him and pretended not to have heard the question, and then he asks again.

I give him a stern stare and answer "Oga, how I go take answer that question, I could be coming from any where!"

"Madam, just answer the question"


"Okay, please can you identify yourself"

I bring out my ID card from my bag and hand it over to him.

"Madam, you for talk since,oya dey go, dey go"

Recent experience
Colleague and I driving on Tejuosho avenue, by barracks. All of a sudden a young man dressed in some shabby black uniform jumps infront of the car(he could have been injuired by the car, had my colleague not slowed down) flashing some filthy indecipherable ID card. All I could see, after squinting my eyes, were fading letters some where below POLICE.

I really didnot want my colleague to stop, I wasn't convinced but he stopped all the same.

The twits rans towards the passenger side of the car (where I was seated) and shouts "Stop and search!"

I ask my colleague to pull the lever for the boot and stay in the car, while I got out to open the boot.

I ask the twit, "What exactly are you searching for?"


I smile to myself as he searches the boot, lifting up the spare tyre,smelling the extinguisher and doing all kinds of orisirisi.

I shut the boot, then another twit yells and points at my colleague's laptop bag "I must search that!" I point to the bag, to be sure that that what he referred to. My colleague picks the bag, opens it and displays the contents, then another points to my small carrier bag in car and asks "What is in that bag?" I snatch the bag from my seat and give it to him.

"Madam, take am easy now, no be fight"

"Me, fight ke?, shebi you wan serach am, serach now."

He barely looks at the bag and returns it to me.

"Madam, suffri suffri now,I am a married man."

I turn to him and ask "As this become a marriage issue, did you stop me because I am single?"

"Madam" another twit tries to calm me down, "Na our work we dey do?"

Then another(they are five in number) asks for the particulars of the car.

My colleague hands it over to them.

The officer stares at it for a long while and asks "Which local government did you get this papers from?"

"Wetin be the problem?"
"There suppose be LGA code for there but e no dey"
He points to the small inscription at the bottom of the paper.

Anyways, not to bore you guys any more, Oga police went on and on over all what not,

then the conversation degenerated into, "If I go club, I go pick this kain babe?"(I was the babe, they were referring to)
I was furious at this point and my colleague had to step in and talked to them and eventually after delaying us for an hour, they let me and my colleage go.

But I made sure I didnot drop a dime or let some gun waving idiot intimidate me but I really most say I was lucky because many who have done less than I have end up dead.

Me and the police are like Oil and water we don't mix!
When dealing with the Nigerian police, please be very careful.
God save our force!

I didnot know they had a website, check HERE

*Orisirisi - yoruba word: meaning: different kinds of things.


Ugo Daniels said...

Naija police don kolomental. You just reminded of a very nasty experience i encountered with them years back. Kai, i go gist on Monday.

They're all a bunch of gun totting, weed smoking mofos.

'nuff said!

Omodudu said...

the website says it all. thanks for the heads up.

laspapi said...

I was rabid about these guys once but when you get info as to how under-paid, under-trained, under-equipped and suicidal their duties are, you'll feel sorry for them.
I think the government of Nigeria is secretly trying to reduce our population.

omohemi Benson said...

Not all of them though, there a very few good ones.
I await your gist on monday.

True word.

Yes,I know all this info too but does that mean they should be plain stupid?
I hope we'll redeem our force.
LOL@ seceretly trying to reduce our populaton.

classybabe said...

I fear nigerian police o,i always pray i never have anything to do with them.I have heard of cases where they just made up stories against people,wont it just be a case of one's word against the bone-headed thugs in uniform.
I came across so many of them while at unilag(club moves),especially those ones at the bridge leading to the island,they were just a greedy bunch

Vera Ezimora said...


Naija cops r so annoying!!! Sheesh! That's one part of Naija I can say I definitely do NOT miss.

Hey gal, when r u gonna put that voice thing (from that everyone has these days? Even I, the absent one, have it. Anywayz...hurry up and put it up, so I can go crazy on it.

Anonymous said...

heya.. sorry oh my dear... i never had any experiences with em.. guess i was too young too.. it'll be interesting to see the next time i come to naija sha... hope you're doing great gorgoeus...

Ubong Da said...

No mind those men in black o!, na so dem dey harras person. The ones whey dey lagos good sef just come naija delta and meet the ones between benin/warri/port-harcourt you go tire. I could write a whole blog on those guys as I have had numerous encounters with them.

fluffycutething said...

I can give you an epistle on Naija police and their many issues plus my many brushes with their idiotic selves...

Maybe we can even do a compilation/competition on blogsville of Nigerian police matters/experiences in this country...

Loud hiss(es) at those police men

My 2 cents said...

I was in Nigeria a few weeks ago and I tell you, the way some of them look in that off colored Uniform is not only depressing, it's downright sad. ]

God will deliver us from the recylcled demons we call the governance, cause this ish" trickles down..

Simply Gorgeous said...

Omohemi, you are giving me flashbacks of my camera incident... They are truly deranged. Don't worry... I will call you when I am there less than a week left so wish me a safe flight...

wienna said...

Ubong da, abeg no come depress me with rubbish naija police tales. Continue with your erotic tales.

DT, make u no mind them.;)

princess said...

Aaaah! you just reminded me ihad to part with five hundy(N500) this morning to some stupid policemen for stopping to drop someone at oshodi bustop. The idiots said i parked on the highway, can u imagine??Anyway i had to pay so them go leave me to dey go work.
First time here and ur blog's cool.

drJAX said...

Police -- their wahala no b small thin' o!!! A friend's car skidded off the road leading to a shattered front axle. b4 the guy went to get a towing van, police had rolled the car to the station -He required 13k to bail the car!!!!