Adventures of a lagos commuter 1

I promised to share my commuting experiences, in this POST about commuting in Lagos.

I've had many so I'll share the most memorable.

Memorable Molue experience
On my way to GCE centre,which was very far from my house, the car broke down.
We(myself&the driver)had no option but to take public transport. I had only my lunch money with me,the driver had little money on him,so we opted for the cheapest means of transport the Molue.

The molues donot wait for passengers,you have to run and jump in,after two failed attempts at chasing after a molue and not getting in, I started sobbing like a baby, I was going to be late for my exam and I couldn't even get on the damn bus that old women were jumping in,without any fuss. Uncle John(my dad's driver) consoled me and taught me how to "jump in".
He said once I got rid of the fear of falling and reached for his hand or the conductor,I will get in.
Successfully,at the 3rd attempt I did.
In the bus,I remember a middle age man selling drugs and coughing very hard, he displayed drugs of different colors for all kinds of ailments. I remember wondering why he couldn't get a color for his cough.
I got to my centre late,but was allowed in to write the exam.
On our way back, we took another Molue,it was around 7pm and there was a heavy traffic jam.
Sitting behind me were 2 calabar women,chattering away in their native dialect.
Eventually the traffic stood still,even I, who was sitted by window couldnot feel the breeze but to make matters worse in the bus someone farted.
The kind of fart,that quietly hovers around in pungent pride.
Suddenly silence fell upon the bus,one of the calabar woman behind me annouced "wetin the smrell"( in heavy calabar accent), "ehen" someone answers from the front of the bus,"I don dey smell am since", the calabar woman responds "dey pessin for excuse,comot, go mess, den come back,aah,aah!". Passengers started hissing,swearing and fanning themselves.
In mist of all the chaos,the traffic started moving but unfortunately the bus would not start.
Everyone directed their anger towards the driver,"Foolish man!" the calabar woman started,"maybe na him mess sef!" "Oloshi" transl: foolish man, "when you know sey your moto no good why you con off am?" "Wicked man"
"Wey in conductor sef?", the 2 conductors had gotten off the bus and joined the crowd of people trekking. It was until I got home and was recounting the story,that I started laughing.

Will share my memorable danfodrama and Okada ride soon.

No Trains stations in Lagos

If you reside in Lagos,or have ever visited Lagos, you know that there are no train stations like you have in most parts of the world. { NO! Our railways don't count has the trains,should we call them trains? pass these rails once a week! and the rail ways are used as marketing rails,visit Tejuosho to get a better understanding!]

So we are left to commute with Okada{ Motorcycles}, Molue{ The big yellow buses aka 99 standing 33 sitting}, Danfo {small yellow buses},the taxis{our own no get meter o} and keke Napep/Maruwa{the tricycle}.
He who commute via any of the above named modes of transport will understand that life is not easy for the Lagos commuter.

From the inexperienced "Aboki"{ Hausa man} Okada rider dangerously maneuvering his way on the expressway without an helmet,to the ogogoro{ Local gin} drunk molue& danfo driver,the Lagos commuter is sadly on his own o!

I fortunately,or unfortunately, am a regular commuter with the danfo buses.
You see,before you can commute with the danfo bus,you must acquire some skills and understand some things.
1 Recite has a mantra always, All drivers in Lagos are MAD!

2. You will require running& walking abilities,either to run after the bus,chase a conductor or run away from an oncoming bus or just walk in the traffic.
{If you know you are not strong enough, I suggest you see your chemist,doctor,pharmacist,"alagbo" or herbalist to recommend some sort of blood capsule or whatever alternative works for you.}

3. You must possess Lagos sense and must not speak too much English.

4. You must have a good voice and great haggling skill. { This required when you will need to demand your change from the conductor or when you may need to politely insult him}

You see once you grasp the above,Life as a Lagos comuter becomes less diffcult.
Aaah,one more thing,you must be spiritual too,ability to say short and fast prayers is required.

But there are times that the commuters have fun in whatever mode of transport they choose.

The Molue 911

This is the largest means of transport,sometimes the fastest means of transport.
The Molue is Nigerian version of the double decker bus in London for all yea,that know the original name please fill in the gap.......... but with different types on graffti and stickers on it.
The Molue bus was even recognised by the late legend "Abami eda" Fela Anikulapokuti, "suffering and smiling,99 standing 33 sitting" It can contain has much has 100 people at a time.
It normally has its own pharmacy, church,supermarket and news.
Most of the people that use the Molue are traders. It is cheap.

The Danfo
Smaller version of the molue,but without the pharmacy and supermarket.
The driver of the Danfo is often times,drunk,young,High on Marijuna, fuji fan,Yoruba and drunk. They have no regard whatsoever for their lives,passengers or traffic rules.
They have some regard though for traffic officials,agberos and the police.
Their fares are higher than the molues and the drivers are regarded as pilots.

The Taxi
This are mainly for tush people who have not bought their cars and have a lil extra cash, or for those whose cars have a problem. Taxi's are driven my middle aged or old man,mostly Yoruba too,who have different philospies on all issues in country and about life in general.
There are no meters or A/Cs in these taxis,so prices are determined by the negoitating skill of the passenger.

The Okada
You take this at your own risk!
This mode of transport is used usually in case of an emergency, or when commuter has never visited a certain area or buses donot reach commuter's destination. Most of these riders are inexperienced,sturrborn.

I shall share my personal experience on each mode of transport soon.